Complicated Feeling

I picked him up from the airport last night. After a little while I just asked him straight out if he had hooked up with anyone (because I told him that when he found someone else, certain aspects in our friendship would have to change). He said that he didn't have sex with anyone, but he thought that he was falling for someone. Needless to say I was surprised until I found out who. They had liked each other before we went out, and even for a bit while we were dating, probably. So apparently after all these years the feelings were there, buried.
Such a complicated feeling. I'm happy to say that this did not break my heart, which confirms that I really am not in love with him anymore. But it did make me sad somehow. In selfish ways. He made out with her...he never liked to kiss me. He watched her sleep, he used to do that with me so very long ago. Am I really that easy to get over?
And then I remember. It's not that he got over me quickly, it's just that he has been over me for so long, and he didn't know. I knew. But somehow having it confirmed was painful.
At the same time, I am happy for him. Him being interested in someone else is making my leaving so much easier on him. I'm really very glad about that. I'm also glad that he knows he doesn't love me that way now. He was hurting for no reason before.
This also seemed to put us at strictly friendship in just one night. Now I really believe that we can be close like before, as long as I keep my selfish feelings out of the way. He won't hate me for leaving now that he sees I was right.

In the end, I was right to let him go.


- moving forward, one foot in front of the other, to walk a straight path.