I want so much to just move forward with my life and leave all the pain, despair, loneliness, and disappointment behind me. It is very hard to do while going through all your belongings.
You pack the dress you walked down the aisle in when you were 17 and in Vegas and so in love. You remember the day you bought it, the joy, the anticipation of looking forward to the life that never would be what you wanted.
You pack away the baby shirt you bought for the future child you would have with him. You think about that imaginary baby. What it would look like, feel like. The way it would cry, it's soft breath as it slept. That baby would never come to exist now.
Letting go of these things is hard, even though I have no desire to have his children now, or to be married to him now. Those dreams are still there and they're much harder to let go of than the reality.
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