So it's finally come to this

So it has finally happened. I told him that I'm leaving. I have to say that if someone had told me at the beginning that I would be the one to say goodbye, I would have thought they were stark raving mad. But here we are.

It seems like a pretty unique circumstance for a divorce. We aren't fighting, and we get along wonderfully. We both love each other very much, and have never had any trouble in the bedroom department. But we could never be truly happy together.

It goes beyond being polar opposites, it's about wanting different things out of life and having different priorities. The life that would bring him happiness would stifle me, and the life that would bring me happiness would bore him to death. The solutions would be for either one of us to give up everything that mattered to their happiness for the other persons dream, or for both parties to live in an uneasy compromise, where neither one of us gets what we want.

So here comes my solution. We go back to being friends. If you are the least bit familiar with the story of my marriage then you know that it has been closer to a friendship than a marriage in the first place. By staying friends, we won't have to lose each other, we can go on loving each other and providing support. I just won't live with him anymore. This will allow both of us to focus on what we really want out of life and fulfill our totally different dreams while still having the other person in our lives.

For me that means finally starting school ( I never thought it would be put off this long) and learning how to put myself first and stand up for my needs and wants. They are just as important as anyone else's.

He is handling it the best that can be expected. I never thought I would hurt him, but I think deep down he has recognized that my decision is the best choice for both of us in the long run, even if it seems so difficult now.

I'm leaving him with just about everything. Only taking my personal belongings. He can keep the house, the furniture, the bank account. I'm trying to make this as easy on him as possible. All I want now is freedom.

Mind Made Up

I know now that i'm going to leave my husband. It's not that he's done anything particularly wrong, or that I resent him. On the contrary, I love him very much, but I've realized that we make better friends than spouses. He will never be able to give me the love and support I need, and I'm just not what he wants right now.

I've done a lot of thinking about a lot of things, and what it basically comes down to is that the kind of life that would make him happy is completely different than what makes me happy. There is no common ground. I'm going to stick around for awhile longer, I really dread telling him. This will break both our hearts, but deep down I know this is right. I hope we can part as friends without regrets. I'm so tired of tears, and saying goodbye to the love of my life will be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do.

Turn The Page

It has been such a very long time since I have written in here! I'm flying up to Washington for my big brother's graduation/engagement party. The girl he is marrying is someone I love very much, I couldn't have chosen better myself! I'm going to be a bridesmaid for the first time. It's pretty exciting! I have so many ideas for the wedding...it's so nice to have something to look forward to right now. It seems that just about everything else is in shambles. Including my marriage.

But today I don't want to think about that. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and it's the beginning of the weekend! ...but I need to do laundry and pack. Coordinating my outfits for the visit to WA, and leaving enough room in my suitcase to bring back any extras (in case I get to go shopping) is a huge challenge. I'll probably only be able to bring about 4 pairs of shoes...