Liars. The world is full of them. What good are words anymore? What reason have we to believe them? Anyone can say anything at any time, and it means absolutely nothing. When I was small, I wanted to be a hermit in a small cottage somewhere, isolated from all other people. i think I was wiser then. In my short life so far, I have learned that people generally do not care enough about anyone other than themselves. And those of us who do care, enormously, are abused and stepped on until we are crushed and quite empty of any feeling at all beyond pain.
A couple in love. All sweet words and kind gestures in the beginning. How thoughtful of eachothers wants and wishes! How happiness breeds happiness in tender glances and a gentle hand. but a selfish or jealous heart comes into play...doubts form, and pride falters. Loving glances turn into suspicious glares, that joyful smile has withered into a frown of dissapointed hopes. They cling to one another, but the gentle embrace has turned into a possesive cage. Soon, dispointment turns into indifference. A once warm heart grows cold, while the other shatters. The lovers have become nothing but two lost souls.
I had a new experience the other day. I went to a party by choice. I don't drink, and I dont like men, so I generally don't go out very much. Surprisingly enough, however, I had a wonderful time! I only had trouble with one guy in particular, and I was not the only subect of his attentions. The host had a word with him, and all trouble ceased! I drank sparkling cider and roasted marshmallows. I talked with everyone, and they were quite friendly (and drunk). On occassion that made conversation difficult, but I think i managed. It has been a long time since I did something fun for myself. I almsot never leave the house without Kimo, and if I do, it is most likely to fulfill some responsibility or obligation rather than to have a good time. Though tomorrow I'm told we (Kimo, Micah, and I) are going to the movies to see X-Men. Of course, Kimo had also promised to take me to Miso Harney's Sushi on Monday, but I suspect he will have forgotten all about it. I know better than to expect anything.
How dull life is when you can't expect anything good to happen. I am secretly terrified that my life will remain the way it is...I'd rather die young than continue on in this way. But what can I do?
